your room smells of hookers.
And success
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
