pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
