I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize