And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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