My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
