The maid of honor just puked.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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