he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
