I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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