I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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