Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
