a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
