This girl is more easily done than said...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Randomize
