I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
