I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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