Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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