Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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