I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
