If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
This is my gift to your gina
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
