I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
