Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
