I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize