i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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