the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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