Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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