He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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