He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize