So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
