You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
