He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Randomize
