I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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