I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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