Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
