I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
