In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
