i can't believe i had my finger in that
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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