I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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