you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
