The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
