Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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