I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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