so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
