I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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