Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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