Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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