God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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