erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize