Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
