$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
