remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
