you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
These tits shall not be calmed
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