Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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