i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
