when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
