and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
