2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
