Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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