if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
