If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
