just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
