i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
