So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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