i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
