You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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