Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
