one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
