we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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