if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
