So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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