ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
