Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
