the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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