im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
