In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
