New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
