You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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