He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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