my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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