Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
