The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
