My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
