He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
