so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
