and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
