Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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