If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
