i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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