I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize