I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
