i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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