I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
