My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
