According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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