I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
