i jhust puked up my retainher.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
