I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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