i think my tv is drunk
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
FUCK WHALES
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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