I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
