All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
