When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Randomize
