I must be too annoying 4 u.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
