I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
