dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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