I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
