Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
