Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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