I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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