I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
