I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
