His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
